I know, its been a while since I've posted any news here. There is excellent news to share first: My foster license was approved and released on April 20. Praise God! Thanks for all your prayers on that matter. At the moment, I'm waiting to hear that I'm officially "matched" with Daniel. Unfortunately, it's all a bit anticlimactic, because even when he's officially "mine", I still can't be his mommy until school is done for the year.
So, now for the not-so-good part:
Last weekend was really rough for Daniel and me. As he is getting older, he's having a harder time with the back and forth thing on the weekends. He's growing from baby to toddler, and, as he takes more notice of his environment and caregivers, is becoming noticeably disturbed and confused by things. He's no longer sleeping at night when he's with me; not that he ever really slept through the night, but last weekend, he woke up every 45 minutes or so through the night. He's crabby a lot more often, and wants to be held, yet continues whining & crying, and even pushing away from me. Yet, when I put him down, he just dissolves into a greater fit.
Now, I know a lot of this is normal toddler behavior. And there are a lot of factors going into his behavior as well, but I was definitely discouraged as of Sunday night. There's so much I'm unsure of about this adoption idea, and last weekend was just full of doubt.
I'm INCREDIBLY grateful for a variety of friends who have shared their amazing wisdom about adoption and parenting, or just parenting in general. My panic has receded, and I've definitely done a lot more praying about it this week. Actually (and here's the reason for the title of this post), after coming across the story of Gideon in my personal devotions AND a few other times this week too (really, how often does that story come up?), I decided to ask God for a fleece about the direction I should be taking with the adoption. No, not an actual piece of sheepskin, but you know what I mean.
I think he's already provided me with one, this morning. Of course, like Gideon, I'm not totally satisfied or sure that this is REALLY His answer. So I've asked for another one. And now, I wait.
P.S.
The writer of a blog I follow posted this thought this week. I so appreciated the challenge:
I don’t want to think about what I would have missed if I had simply said, “ I don’t want to do this. Adoption is too hard.”
Are you listening to God? Is he asking you to do something? What would happen if you simply trusted him and stepped out in faith?
You're in my prayers, Friend.
ReplyDeletePoor little guy. I didn't realize things were that mixed up for him. I'm sure that living in one place constently will help him a lot but I totally hear ya and your doubt. I'll be praying for you too!
ReplyDeleteTwenty two years ago when I was almost 40 I felt God nudging me to adopt. Two years later we ended up adopting another 2 (all 3 with special needs). I felt like you and had a lot of doubt. After twenty two years I know it's exactly what I was meant to do. Doubt is a good thing because I personally think you draw closer to God. Just know that your little guy is in God's hands. He will struggle because he is so mixed up. How can he not be. I'm convinced that will change once he has more structure in his little life. Also sending your next m/o in the mail tomorrow. Hugs
ReplyDeletekim, praying that you'll have total peace. it's never easy, and it often doesn't make sense AT ALL (i mean, two 60 year old's with a 4 yr old? puhlease). but the heart of God is adoption and i believe you are part of His heart.
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